notes to my mother ... I understand now, finally

I guess in being here, in living on my own, simple truths of life have started to make sense to me. Why people live their lives in a small town, in their ancestral homes, without caring for the bustling big cities, without ever wanting a life with so many things ...
Unclutterd life is the best.
In my lonely hours here, I feel time slipping away. I feel I am losing time with you. There's a bond that these few years away from you have stregthened. There's so much to talk about, so much to share. And I want to be in the same house again with all of you.
Often I wake up wondering why I am here. What brought me here and I don't know. Perhaps I wanted to make you proud, to make you feel I was worth all that trouble and that I was strong to venture out and make it.
But I am not so strong, I guess.
Ever so often, confined in my little apartment, I feel the futility of it all.
Why did I want all this? Maybe I wanted to buy you things that we always talked about, or desired.
But now I want nothing more than to be back home.
In my years here, life has changed so much. I seldom get the time to read books. I am alwyas trying to be organized, take charge but I feel so lost in this wonderland.
I don't want to drive fancy cars, nor do I want to be carrying a Gucci bag ...
Now I understand why papa could spend all his life in one house and never want it otherwise ... I could do the same.
So, my mother ... take care and save yourselves for I will be back. And soon too.